"What was the most thrilling sexual experience you've ever had?
Bondage? Imprisonment? Role play... This is child's play.
I am an artist, of course, not the star kind, not like those who dazzle on screen. We, the small actors on the eighteenth line and beyond, to put it frankly, are sometimes worse than prostitutes.
After a prostitute is done, at least she earns her selling body money. But us? For the sake of a role, with whips, candles, rulers... we have to play along with the director and the investors, no matter how heavy the play code is. But after the play is over? They just pat their butts and leave. They don't give you the promised role. All you can do is swallow your lost tooth.
Having said that, you might say: Who made you degrade yourself? If you had some self-respect and didn't sleep with them, wouldn't you avoid these issues?
Thinking like this is naive. I do know a female actor, pure and untouched, with good acting skills, a nice figure, pretty, self-possessed and talented. She didn't bother with investors who showed interest in her. In the end? She was assaulted by a spoiled young master.
The big shots in the circle who were rejected by her don't want to help her. After all, it's easier to watch a joke.
Becoming a laughing stock in the circle, people often bring up her situation to have a good laugh as if mocking her elevates them to some noble stance.
I don't want to make fun of her, but I also don't want to be someone else's joke. After stumbling so many times, I finally understood, to be famous; I could lose face, but not being famous is absolutely unacceptable.
So I accepted the "task" my agent assigned. I wrapped myself up as a gift in red ribbon, even tied a bow at my chest.
This was my first time actively climbing into a man's bed. This man, named Tan Yichen, and I first met on that bed. He holds the power of life and death, and I, but a small eighteenth-line artist selling my body for fame.
I cleansed myself thoroughly and used all I've learned to serve him to his utmost delight. Afterward, he leaned on my chest lazily, puffing on his after-sex smoke, looking quite content.
As the smoke dissipated, he was about to put out the cigarette. When he looked up, he saw a trace of scars on the sheet.
"Where did you get the surgery?" After a moment of silence, he sneered and asked with disdain.
I know he looks down on me. Truthfully, I look down on myself too."
Though I've been looked down upon, life continues regardless. If life wasn't unbearable, who would stoop so low to offer themselves to others like a prostitute?
At this moment, I am massaging Tan Yichen's shoulders. My agent has made it clear: as long as I satisfy this man in bed, all past mistakes will be forgiven by the company. There will be no need for me to pay the breach-of-contract fees, and they will even arrange for me to star in a new film.
This right here feels like a blessing of rebirth, especially for someone like me who has been buried in obscurity for three years and has met with continuous rejection within the industry. I cannot afford to repeat the foolishness from three years ago, repeating the same joke that is my failed career.
This time, I must satisfy this master in bed. If he wants me to kneel, I will not stand. If he wants me to bend over, I will not lay flat.
I'm also lucky this time, the master I've been arranged to serve is extremely handsome! What's that saying again? Oh yes, handsome enough to make a woman's knees buckle.
But tonight, my knees aren't buckling because he is devastatingly handsome, but because he is overpowering.
“I went to… the city hospital.” I dared not defy him. If he insisted that I had surgical enhancement done, then so be it. Though it was the truth that this was my first time, I dared not say. They wouldn't care anyway. These wealthy men only desired a momentary pleasure. To them, my appearance of chastity would only dampen their fun.
“Really?” he chuckled. The way he spoke with his eyes closed made his voice seem like a sultry tune rolling out from his throat, remarkably pleasant to hear, "You're quite hard to read."
I awkwardly smiled, continuing to massage his shoulders, and responded cautiously, “As long as you're satisfied.”
My efforts throughout the night were not wasted. Director Tan was pleased. When he was pleased, my upper-management bosses were as well. My agent immediately organized a movie role for me, securing a supporting female character that I immensely thanked him for, smiling from ear to ear. Finally, my agent patted my back and paid me a compliment, “If only you had been like this from the beginning, you wouldn't have had all those issues! You could've hit it big a long time ago!”
Nodding furiously, I regretted bitterly, “Yes! Brother Zhang, you're right. I was young and foolish then, but I will definitely change!”
Seeing my newfound understanding pleased my agent. He patted my bottom, before giving me a lecherous wink, “That's the spirit! Relax, if there's another such opportunity, I'll let you know first!”
My heart pounded. I never thought that after selling myself once, I would be degraded to a prostitute.
But since it's come to this, I took a deep breath and thought, 'I've sold myself once already, so why act innocent now?'
My agent tossed me onto the beds of wealthy men as if I was just some ordinary prostitute, yet none of the money even ended up in my hands. All I received were thank yous and had to smile back in gratitude, uttering 'good' over and over again.
I felt so cheap, but there was no other choice. If my fate destined me to be this cheap, why not embrace it wholeheartedly? Because if not, how am I going to survive in the future?