As a renowned criminal defense lawyer, the case that ruptured my 90% win rate was a civil lawsuit.

My own divorce case.

On the day of the court appearance, Lu Hengyun finally deigned to step out of the operating room. This was the first time he put me before his patients.

But I no longer cared, I only had one thought in my mind: I must win this second divorce lawsuit.

When I submitted the prepared divorce materials to the court, a familiar judge who I often communicated with advised me if I really want to divorce, amicable separation would be better.

The scenarios where divorce can be granted in one trial are few: polygamy, domestic violence, abandonment, abusive behavior or if the couple has been living separately due to incompatible temperaments for more than two years, and some actions that touch the bottom line of the law.

Unfortunately, Lu Hengyun did not meet any of these conditions.

He just didn't love me.

As a lawyer, I knew very well that my first divorce lawsuit had a high chance of losing but Lu Hengyun refused to cooperate with my peaceful divorce proposal.

I prepared a divorce agreement a month ago, but I only handed it to him two weeks ago.

Because Lu Hengyun was too busy, he was busy soothing patients, rushing for medical studies, and even taking care of his interns. The only thing he lacked time for was nurturing our small family.

After half a month, he finally returned home from the hospital, not sparing me a glance before immediately getting on a call with his intern, answering all their questions in a soft tone and patiently guiding them on how to deal with troublesome patients.

I had never seen such tenderness from him before.

It was at this moment that I handed him the divorce agreement. He glanced at me impatiently, massaged his temples and reluctantly took it over.

Then the suddenly hung-up phone call and his sullen look: "Lin Xiying, what is this?"

I look up from the black text on the white paper, "Don't worry about the divorce agreement. I wouldn't leave any legal pitfalls for you. If you have any objections to the property distribution, we can discuss it further. If there's no problem, you can just sign it."

We've been married for five years, but we've hardly ever seen each other, and we don't have any children. I find a sort of bitter joy in this, thankful that although our married life hasn't been full of happiness, at least it makes divorce simpler.

Lu Henyun doesn't say a word. He just gets a new lab coat and storms out of the door. I follow, reminding him to sign the agreement, as the door slams angrily.

The car exhaust billows in my face, and I see the agreement torn to shreds in the trash bin in the yard.

Then, he's gone from the house for half a month. I haven't sent him a single message, and he has completely ignored me.

So I finally understand, Lu Henyun has no intention of cooperating.

The day we went to court was a weekday. I didn't think he would show up.

On the very day we got married, he left me right after making his vows to pacify a patient with an emergency. I was left alone, toasting table by table at our wedding reception. How could he find the precious time to attend a court hearing for our divorce?

But Lu Henyun arrived on time.

He was as rushed and stern as ever, his panting from his speedy walk soon steadied, appearing cool and calm.

I was a bit stunned. Didn't he have clinic today? Even if it were raining cats and dogs, he wouldn't leave the hospital.

I still remember, in the autumn of our second year of marriage, during the peak of the flu season, I called Lu Henyun with a stuffy nose and whined, "Hubby, I think I've caught the flu. I feel terrible."

Unexpectedly, a young woman's voice came from the other end of the phone, "Excuse me, even if you're Dr. Lu's wife, you should not disturb him during work hours. We have many patients at the moment, do you mind not interrupting our work flow in the future during busy times?"

"And besides, Dr. Lu is single. Please refrain from addressing him inappropriately, it would be better for a girl to keep some dignity."

I was stunned. In Lu Henyun's circle, I did not exist. He's single, and I am his wife — a responsibility he took on to appease his family, but a wife he was not proud of.

That night, I awaited deep into the night for a return call from Lu Hengyun, but all I received was a spike in body temperature.

So I realized, Lu Hengyun was aware of that piercing phone call, I also realized I couldn't expect him to come home. Even though my husband is the doctor I need the most right now.

In the late night, it's hard to hail a cab, and I dare not drive in my drowsy state. After swallowing two ineffective pills, I cloaked myself under the quilt, hoping to endure this sudden bout of illness.

By the end, I wasn't sure if I had slept through the night or passed out.

The patients lying in my husband's hospital can receive his tender inquiries and dedicated care, but his wife at home could only avail a cup of the most readily available cold water and a sarcastic meal when faced with a brutal illness.

Lu Hengyun came back a week later, I nonchalantly mentioned it, but he just laughed, "When did you become so delicate?"

"Don't all the villagers have to farm? You shouldn't be this frail."

I clenched my teeth; I was a child born in the mountains. I've never been ashamed of my origin, but I couldn't ignore the offhand contempt and ridicule in Lu Hengyun's words.

Even after we got married from the dating phase, it's as if he never really acknowledged me, treating me as if I was the least deserving of his time and attention in this world.

Just like now, as the trial began, I heard him denying my reasons for divorce one by one in front of the judge.

He was still apathetic, answering as if replying to a stranger's question, denying there was any emotional issue, and denying our de facto separation... He is clearly one of the leads in this divorce, but he maintains an aloof demeanor throughout.

The judgment result was clear to me from the beginning, I lost the case.

Some colleagues jokingly watched the proceedings and said the ace Lin Lawyer could work perfectly fine for other people, but not for her own case.

I responded with self-mocking jokes, while mentally sorting my materials for the second appeal.

After a year of separation, the second appeal would undoubtedly win.

"Our marriage only needs to last for a year."

Upon returning to the so-called bridal chamber to pack up my things, I saw the man in front of me, filled with an ominous aura, pause momentarily. Then he expressed his confusion without any attempt to hide it, "Why are you here?"

I didn't understand which part of my words had enraged him. Grinding his teeth, he managed to squeeze out a few words, "This is my home. Why wouldn't I be here?"

I nodded in comprehension. "I know this property was yours before our marriage. Rest assured, this house won't be awarded to me in the divorce settlement, and I have no desire for it."

Lu Hengyun scoffed. "The house is located in the best area of the city center. I hope you really don't want it."

I shrugged my shoulders, leaving him to believe what he wanted.

Over the years, I've come to accept the fact that Lu Hengyun has never looked upon me favourably. Despite starting out from a region plagued with poverty and scarce educational resources, and climbing my way up to my current status as a top-notch criminal defense attorney, his opinion of me has never changed.

Lu Hengyun, born into a prestigious family, mostly associated with successful people who shined bright. When we had just started dating, Lu Hengyun had unintentionally mentioned that he never thought he'd associate with someone as ordinary as me. I had thought that, with my hard work, I would eventually change his perception.

Yet in the end, in his eyes, I remained that dull 18-year-old girl, the ugly duckling forever unable to compete with the swan.

However, I am the pride of my grandparents, the pride of that small impoverished village. And that is enough.

Lu Hengyun didn't hold me in high regard, particularly his mother who also looked down upon the region that bred me and my hardworking grandparents.

The first time both families had dinner together, Lu's mother was astounded as she studied my grandparents for a long time. She probably couldn't grasp the concept of people still using back baskets to carry items or wearing straw shoes in this modern era.

She seemed to disdainfully examine my grandparents' clothes, cotton garments patched up in various places. When leading the others into the private dining room, she even awkwardly covered her face as if afraid of meeting acquaintances.

But what she didn't know was that these were my grandparents' best clothes. They had groomed themselves as neatly as possible to meet their urban son-in-law.

Even if they were looked down upon, it didn't matter. All they cared about was their most beloved granddaughter finding a good husband.

Unfortunately, they were disappointed. The man I chose was never a good man.

I took a suitcase out of the wardrobe and squatted on the ground, putting neatly folded clothes into it one by one.

Lu Hengyun kicked my suitcase with his foot, and the hand holding my wrist was so heavy, as if he wanted to crush my bones.

He pulled me up roughly. When we just got married, he had a few small tendernesses of a newly wedded husband. Later, when he faced me, he always looked like this. I wasn't unfamiliar with it.

In the village, some aunties said that's what marriage is like. If you're lucky, you'll get along like family for decades. If you're unlucky, you'll get tired and indifferent after two years, and a cinnabar mole will become a mosquito blood spot.

I've always been unlucky when it comes to relationships, and this time is no exception.

I realized very early that divorce was the inevitable end for Lu Hengyun and me, it was just a matter of time.

"The second divorce lawsuit requires the couple to live separately for a year. Sorry to put you through this year of maintaining our marriage," he said. "However, rest assured, I will try not to appear in front of you to disturb you."

"Of course, if you're willing to cooperate with me and sign the divorce agreement now, I will leave immediately and we'll be squared away."

Lu Hengyun's chest rose and fell quickly, as if he was trying to suppress some emotion.

After a long while, I heard his calm voice that resembled his diagnosing tone when facing patients, "Why do you want a divorce?"

I was somewhat surprised, "Because we don't have feelings for each other."

Lu Hengyun stared blankly at me, looking puzzled, "We got married out of love, we rarely argued, and there’s no third person involved. I don't know where this lack of feeling you're talking about comes from."

The last few words were spoken with a sudden increase in tone, like explaining things to a petulant child.

He was stating the facts. We chose to marry freely. After marriage, people didn't see us often, so it was harder to have arguments. There were many women around him. The woman who spoke sarcastically to me over the phone was one of his interns, and there were many such interns around him with strange intentions. But I knew he never crossed the line.

"He simply didn't love me. From the beginning, choosing me was merely about making the most suitable decision under the circumstances.

Our relationship was one of charity and acceptance, far from love.

Lu Hengyun seemed a little irritated: "Isn't a stable marriage enough? Is love really that important?”

I smiled with some aspiration: "In fact, I am also curious about what it feels like to be loved."

Lu Hengyun’s gaze held a hint of mockery: "Lin Xiyin, you aren't twenty but thirty years old. Why are your thoughts still so naïve at this age?”

“But isn't it a relief for both of us?”

"Relief?" Lu Hengyun's voice suddenly turned sharp: "To you, marrying me is relief?"

I nodded, and he looked like he could eat me alive: "Get out, get out of here right now."

I left, dragging my suitcase with me.

His hand on the doorknob was trembling with visible veins: "Lin Xiyin, even if you begged me on your knees, I wouldn't give you a second chance."

It was only when Lu Hengyun's mother called that I learned he had not been to work for two days.

I called up Lu Hengyun's close buddy, Huang Kai.

Huang Kai lowered his voice: "Sister-in-law, your call couldn't be more timely. Lu is at my bar and refuses to leave, he’s absolutely drunk. You'd better come and pick him up."

The background noise was loud but I could still clearly hear Lu Hengyun talking to others.

I heard him say: "Lin Xiyin is nothing more than a woman who enthusiastically throws herself at me. Within a couple of days, she herself will be begging to come back.”

"Will you let her come back, Lu Ge?"

Lu Hengyun gave a cold laugh, "I always discard the things I'm tired of."

Huang Kai looked back in fear, momentarily unsure if the person on the phone had heard anything.

Lu Hengyun's phoenix eyes squinted slightly, and his piercing gaze after removing his glasses made it impossible for others to speak out of fear.

He asked, "Whose call is it?"

Huang Kai cautiously replied, "It's...sister-in-law."

Lu Hengyun immediately turned his head away indifferently, only lowering his eyes. His eyelashes covered his expression, and no one could guess what he was thinking at the moment.

Unsure, Huang Kai gritted his teeth and turned on the speaker.

So, my voice rang out clearly in everyone's ears: "I called because I want you to tell Lu Hengyun to have his mother stop bothering me. Where her son is and what he is doing has nothing to do with me. I don't know, and I don't even want to know."

"I'm about to divorce him."

The phone was hung up, and the room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

All were silent. Even without looking, they could all sense Lu Hengyun's obvious foul mood, and Huang Kai was even moved to slap himself.

But soon, someone who knew what was going on called for more drinks, Lu Hengyun also started to laugh, downing one bottle to save face.

Just as the atmosphere was gradually returning to normal, Lu Hengyun suddenly kicked the small table in front of him. The bottles on the table shattered everywhere, creating a mess mixed with alcohol.

His eyes almost burst with fury: "Ask Lin Xi Yin... where is she? When is she coming home?"

Huang Kai wanted to cry but had no tears: "Brother Lu, sister-in-law has blacklisted me."

Lu Hengyun's face turned as black as the bottom of a pot.