Part 01
MICHELLE
OUR MEMORIES disappear as it lasts. A common grievance of those who fail in love. Like me, the only memory we have is the two of us. Memories etched in my brain that will not fade away.
This is me now, sitting on the beach, wondering why we need to love. Why do we need the ‘sparks’ to be in love, also have an end? Why? when you're bored, do you just leave the air suddenly?
I don't understand, why do some people leave for no reason? It hurts to think and it seems crazy to think about why the person you love is losing you. Is something missing from me? What did I do wrong?
My tears dripped as I inhaled the smell of the sea, salty entered my nose, but it gave me comfort. You will enjoy listening to the beat of the waves of the sea. I hope I can bring back what happened when he was still by my side. When I was not the only single among my colleagues today.
It’s sad to think, the things can’t be undone. This is how life is so unfair. My friends invited me to go night swimming, they allowed me to come along, to relieve myself of the problems I was going through in life. I wanted to get away from the city, where my life was filled with trouble.
I approached the beach, once sitting on the sands but the wave hit from my feet, reaching up to my buttocks. I allowed myself to feel the cold of the sea on my body.
I can hear the waves hit and feel soothing. I looked up and examined the sky, but the stars were covered with clouds. The sky was dark mixed with redness. Maybe it will rain later. The waves are also starting to get stronger. It's sad to think, even the star wouldn't take a peek for me.
I was full of problems: First, I had doubts about myself, Second, until now I was wondering if I could still reach my dream. The third is whether it is worth it to love me. Not the one who will leave you for no reason.
I just looked up at the sky and wondered how to end this feeling. Suddenly I could hear footsteps approaching me. I looked over here and saw my friend Jenny.
"Hey!" She called at pats on my shoulder. I watched her as the wind blew away from us. The strand of her hair blocks her face.
"My hair sucks! I hate this." Her hair seemed to enter her mouth. I laughed at her but she glared at me.
"What's your problem girl?" She asked me, seemingly happy.
"My problem right now? Why are you ugly?" I philosophize her. Her face turned sour at what I said. I just told a lie. Contrary to what I told her.
"Wow! You're beautiful too, aren't you?!" She even poked my head. Then she sat down next to me as well and the two of us watched the sea.
"Oh my! It hurts! It hurts!" I protected my head with both my hands.
"What?! Say sorry?!" She shouts and laughed at the same time. Sometimes she's the one who gets annoyed when I poke her in the head, but she can’t do anything because she's used to it.
"Grr! I know you. I know your problem... that
pointing my heart at the same time
. I know you're having problems with things. Am I right? First your insecurities, correct? I won't say what the other one is because Just deny it, you hypocrite!" she said and suddenly I laughed.
"It's good that you laughed." I stopped laughing at what she said.
"It's okay for us to be sad. I've become an Englishwoman in no time." I stared at her. This woman will never have the sense to say. She signed peace and continued speaking. "It's just a joke– I'll be serious haha. The truth is, it's okay to be sad. Girl, you're just a human being, you're not god. Life is just weather-weather," that's what Kim said, "it's like there's a storm
or a problem
coming. Sometimes time flies. We can't control our lives. Our faith is already recorded or written. But you know what's wrong? You're immersing yourself in sadness. Girl, take a deep breath and inhale, just exhale... Relax, don't let your emotion eats you. "
This woman even winked at me. Sometimes when I do have a problem but my friend sense it already even I don't need to speak it to her vocally.
"You're right, but it's one of the solutions where I immerse myself in the sadness of not being numb when the pain lasts here in my heart," I said. She looked at me and his forehead was furrowed. Her eyebrow would turn a line at what I said
"Wrong move girl. The heavier your heart and mind are, the harder it will be for you to live in this world. Don't be too negative girl and this is all Ethan's fault. That's why you're like this!" She was angry with him. In great annoyance, she picks up the sand next to her and throws it into the sea. I just laughed at her attitude. It's like that she is a kid who wasn't given Candy.
"That person has nothing to do with my problem right now. So don't be upset. Besides, this is all my fault why I become like this." I held her hand to stop her from what she was doing.
"Grr! You even got to protect that crook! You didn't learn, it's been a few years and you still remember him." She says.
"I'm sorry. Even though I want to get him out of my memory but he's already stamping on my heart." I said. Suddenly she grabbed me with both arms and shook my body.
"Girl, wake up! He's not the only guy in this world. It's been a long time since he left. Why is it until now you still blame yourself for why he left you." She didn’t stop until I fainted.
"S-stop... I feel dizzy." She stopped what she was doing. She just smirks but I stared at her.
"You know why I did that? Because I'm daring you to wake up to the fact that he's been gone for a long time. That's enough please! I'm the one who's hurting for you." Suddenly her expression turned into sadness.
I smiled at her and touched her cheek to caress it. I am thankful for why I had such a friend like her. She is the only one who will say what is best for me. The only friend I can lean on when I need help with my problem.
She sighed and walked away. "Our little drama girl. Don't be sad, try to be positive. You know, we won't know what will happen tomorrow." She said and winked. I look at her and couldn't say anything.
"Go back to the cottage. Maybe they're looking for you already. I need space and I want to be alone." I drive here.
"You're always like. I want to stay at your side but you always push me away." She said. Even in her tone, she was joking but I was struck by what she said.
She was right again. I am the one who likes to drive away when someone wants to enter my heart. I'm scared to feel the pain Ethan did for me. I am traumatized that when someone enters my life, and it will get tired, and also leave me in tears.
I want you to know how stupid I am being in love.